I can't believe it's Thursday already. I haven't posted in a few days, because my new schedule is absolutely nuts. On paper it didn't look so bad, but I forgot to figure in two things: homework and sleep. Accounting is not so bad: I've been doing my homework at lunchtime and in class. My Ceramics assignments are much more involved inside and outside of class. Last night, I did not leave campus until 11:15pm and that was only so my husband could stop worrying about where I was. Sleep these days seems to be something I only do when I should be getting to work or to my workout.
I've been exhausted all week. Being in class until 10 or 11pm is much different than watching TV until that hour. When I get home I'm still all wound up, so I end up staying up for another hour or two to relax. Getting up at 6:30am yesterday to make it to my workout was out of the question. I didn't even make it in to work today until 10:30am. Thank goodness I only have these classes for another five weeks. I'm taking another class during the second summer session, but it gets out at 8:40pm. I'll be able to get to bed at a decent hour and do things like cook and do laundry (the other reason I missed Wednesday's workout is that my gym clothes were all so dirty they could have walked downtown on their own).
On one hand, I feel bad. I am slacking on my workouts and food preparation. I am sucking at my job and spending half my work hours sleeping or doing homework. On the other hand, I'm sticking to my priorities, so screw the guilt. I want to be skinny and have enough money to keep my house, but my number one priority right now is to finish school. If I have to find another job or it takes an extra six months to lose the weight, so be it. As long as I'm making progress toward my degree and not slacking off in my classes, I'm ok with that. I don't feel ashamed of my weight or my career progress. I do feel very ashamed of the way I conducted and demolished my academic career. So if I fix that, I will have much more happy happy joy joy to spread to the other areas of my life.
So there, I said it. I am prepared to accept failure at two very important things in order to succeed at what is most important to me. Just because the idea makes me hyperventilate doesn't mean I don't accept it. I'm not saying I'm giving up on the job and the weight-loss, I just know I can't put enough effort towards them to do well. I guess it's penance. I get to do school the hard way now since I dropped out of school five times and threw away a $40,000/year scholarship when I had the chance to do things the easy way. Ah, well. My eventual graduation party will be much more kick ass than if I would have had it five years ago. My hubby and my nieces will be there now and I have a huge backyard. I may even make my cats wear party hats.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Update: Classes
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Weight Loss Progress
2 comments:
You have a lot on your plate now, so it's obvious that you'll need to spread yourself a little thinner. But (this is your conscience talking! Ok, it's Holly. Regardless...) don't think this means you can start up new bad habits like eating junk food all the time because you have to study, or not doing work at work because you're busy thinking about ceramics, etc. I know that you're like me and if you just sit down and think about it, you'll be able to come up with a way to prioritize and also to make all these goals work together.
Make sure your man is helping you with things like shopping, cooking, etc., and try to make things that can leftover easily for the next day in some sort of incarnation.
I'll keep my ears and eyes open for ideas to help you out.
Oh, I'm not going to throw my diet out the window or anything like that. As far as the weightloss plan, I think it's more that I need to be ok with not being able to fit in extra workouts and missing my regular ones now and then. Which is not good, but it's better than missing a class. I'm sticking with the diet though.
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