My covert ops at the bookstore yesterday were a success. I managed to obtain the real ISBN numbers of my textbooks and ordered them online today. I still ended up spending around $150, but that meant I got all four books for less than the price of one, which was $178 in the bookstore. My husband lucked out and found his online for $1 each, so the internet saved us some big bucks. School starts next week. This is real. Eek.
I have a few confessions to make. I haven't played DDR at all this week, in spite of my plans. I've been sitting very still under the ceiling fan in our living room trying to stay cool. Last night, I didn't want to heat up the house by baking chicken so all I ate for dinner was a bag of frozen broccoli that I microwaved and sprinkled with olive oil and Parmesan cheese. I definitely didn't meet my protein requirements, but I wasn't going near those shakes again.
Today's food was much better. I had cottage cheese for a late breakfast, a Lean Cuisine with 22 grams of protein for lunch, South Beach bars for my snack, and I'm going to get chicken or steak with a salad or steamed veggies for dinner when we go out tonight. I have no idea what the scale will say tomorrow considering it's taken me so long to get my act together this week. However, I vow to keep my cool, even if the number stays the same or goes up.
A few weeks ago, my husband made the point that this whole process is more about the end result than the weekly weigh ins. As long as I don't give up, the end result will be a smaller me. A smaller, but stronger, me.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Thank You, Internet
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Dreams Can Come True
This morning I dreamt that I slept late and missed my workout and ended up having to join the 11am class. Then I woke up early, like I usually do when I have dreams like this. When I laid back down to catch another 15 minutes of snooze, however, I slept late and missed my workout and ended up having to join the 11am class.
The workout was good, although I missed my group. One of the people in the 11am class was surly and another left pools of sweat on everything. Our trainer actually had to tell the sweater to go get a towel-it was that bad. As for the workout, we did one circuit of legs and then spent the bulk of the time on our arms. Nothing fancy, just a variety of presses, curls, and pull downs. At the end of class we did a short ab section that was basic, but really worked every muscle in my gut. I think the intensity was because I was moving through a wider range of motion now that my abs are getting stronger.
It felt so good to work out again. I moved around a lot this weekend, but it wasn't the same as an intense guided workout. My body is happy today. In fact, extra happy, because Jeff let me warm up on the elliptical machine instead of doing jumping jacks! I got there early, so I did 15 minutes on the elliptical instead of 2 minutes of jumping jacks, but it was worth it. I have blisters on my feet from a pair of evil sandals I wore yesterday and I don't want to jump on them.
I'm a little worried about this week's weigh in even though I'm only shooting for a pound. My eating has been off for the last few days and I desperately need to go grocery shopping, so I'm still not back on track. I didn't have anything for breakfast today, but I picked up a salad for lunch and sardines for a snack. I have food for dinner, but I don't know what I'll eat tomorrow if I don't get to the store.
I don't know if I'll have time to go to the store tonight, though, because I need to swing by my school after work. Classes start next week and I need to order my books and get a form signed for my student loan deferment. I tried to look for my books online, but the college is listing some cryptic ISBN number that isn't showing up in any searches. I have a feeling it doesn't match what's actually on the book. Since I need to get my deferment form signed in person, I'm going to do some detective work at the bookstore while I'm on campus.
As excited as I am about all of my new endeavors, I'm getting nervous about my soon to be packed schedule. Really I'll only be utilizing time formerly wasted in front of the TV, but it's still scary. At least the summer classes are only five weeks long.
Does hyperventilating burn calories?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
The Good, The Bad, and The Meh
The Good:
I spent a solid two thirds of this holiday weekend walking around outside. Saturday we went to Brew at the Zoo and walked around the vendors stalls and ventured into the zoo for a long walk. Animals are extra interesting when you've been drinking. Especially the odd ones: "Wait, does that deer have stripes? What the.." On Sunday we woke up early to go to Six Flags. It wasn't crowded at all, so we didn't waste time standing in lines. We covered the whole park at least twice. There was so much walking that I passed out on the couch as soon as we got home at 10pm.
The Bad:
My eating was all over the place this weekend. I barely had an appetite, so my eating schedule was way off. The only thing that made me want to eat was drinking, which only made me want to eat bad food. I haven't filled in my food diary for the past three days yet. It wasn't pretty. I don't think my total calories were excessively high, but the food choices and timing were bad. The only upshot is that it made me feel slow and icky, so I'm craving green peppers now. Green peppers are the only thing I want to eat though, which brings us to "the meh".
The Meh:
In order to keep my protein intake high despite my low appetite, I bought a huge tub of protein powder to make shakes. However, it tastes terrible and is giving me even less of an appetite. The guy at the store said that this is his favorite brand and one of the best flavors, but we apparently have different taste. The powder is cookies and cream flavor and tastes like melted ice cream. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, so I can barely choke it down. Unfortunately, holding my nose and chugging is more appealing to me right now than eating a plate of eggs or chicken. I'd even be up for an IV drip instead of eating. On one hand, this is better than over eating. On the other hand, an alien has clearly possessed my body. How else could I not want to eat?
The Etc.:
I was too pooped from the weekend to workout yesterday, and our training was cancelled due to the holiday. Tonight I'm going to do an hour of DDR. My body needs to shake and sweat out the alcohol and grease of the weekend. I can't wait to get back to training tomorrow. The most weight lifting I did this weekend was doing squats with my husband on my back because I was in a silly mood.
I did end up buying shorts on Friday, although it took nearly three hours at Target to find them. I didn't want capris, nor did I want denim underwear. Denim underwear is all they were selling in the Juniors department. I found one pair in a decent length in the misses section (if you can call it a section-it was one rack), but they were acid wash. Apparently, I time travelled since I was there so long. Eventually I went to the women's/plus size section and found some nice denim shorts in a cut and color from this decade. I bought a pair in 16W and wore them with a belt. I may have to continue cinching these forever, because I refuse to wear shorts with less than a one inch inseam, even if I'm in a size 6.
In happier shorts related news, I didn't feel self-conscious at all wearing them all day Saturday and Sunday in public. No pictures to show though-all I have are pictures of animals' behinds (remember, I was drinking at the zoo).
On Monday morning, my husband was rubbing my leg and he stopped, shocked, and put both hands around my thigh. He said my thighs are getting much smaller. Ahem. He said my thighs are getting much smaller! I'm still floating over this comment (this is the same husband who bought me roses on Saturday-he's the best). I had asked him to tell me as soon as he noticed any changes, but he hadn't said anything yet. Every time I pull out another shirt that fits anew, he just kind of grunts & nods. So, this genuine comment about my least favorite body part is just wonderful.
Having a plan of action last week brought me great results. Here's this week's plan: South Beach Phase I plus icky protein shake, DDR for an hour every night until the weekend. I'm only trying for one pound of loss this week since I know the weekend didn't go well. It will be a quality pound though, because it will put me under 200 lbs.
Hey, did you hear the one about my thighs getting smaller? Can I tell you again???
Friday, May 25, 2007
Bom Chicka Wow Wow!
I am so happy! The day started off with me waking up late and thinking I was going to be late for my workout, but I actually got there early and got fantastic parking. The workout was interesting, but my happiness really kicked in afterwards when I changed into my work clothes. Today I am wearing a button down shirt that a few months ago did not fit at all. Right now, it is buttoned all the way up and it is LOOSE! I had to put tape between the buttons at my chest, not because it was so tight they were pulling, but because it was so loose it was hanging open. I have never had that issue with a shirt before. I'm extra excited, because I didn't think I could button the top two buttons (I brought a camisole to wear underneath). The last time I wore it was on Easter and I could only (barely) button one button near the waist. Today, I'm all buttoned. I feel awesome!
--------(message above is from this morning)-----------
Now it's the afternoon and I'm back from my weekly weigh in. I must say, I feel like a rock star. I'm feeling so good I might even attempt to buy a pair of shorts this afternoon to wear over Memorial Day weekend. Shorts are my most feared clothing item, even worse than bathing suits. However, it's hot, they're necessary, and I'm going to try and ride the wave of self confidence into the dressing room. Hopefully it will come back out with me. I'm going to try and get some before and in progress photos to post on here soon. The internet may soon know why I fear shorts. Oh well, I'm still a rock star.
So, how much does a rock star weigh? The answer is precisely 200.6 lbs. I've lost 3.2 lbs this week and 2% body fat. My trainer did my weigh in and gave me a ton of high fives when he saw how well I did and heard the story about my shirt. I can't wait until next week. All I need to lose is one pound and I'll be back under 200 lbs. I'm definitely going to keep up the extra cardio-it helped a lot. I'm also going to stay on South Beach Phase I. My husband agreed to join me if I make all of his food, so I'll have a partner in crime.
That's all folks! Have a great extended weekend!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Still Going Strong
I am literally working my butt off. I've been consistently putting in my hour of DDR each night and sticking to my low carb diet. My jeans are feeling looser, enough so that I wore a belt today. It's been a while since any of my belts even fit me. I'm so excited for the weigh in tomorrow. In addition to weighing in, the trainers will be taking our updated measurements. I'm expecting some great news.
I've decided that even though I've changed the diet a little bit, I'm going to keep the idea of taking a day off. This Saturday, I'm having S'mores ice cream for breakfast, heading to a beer and wine festival for lunch, and going to a pig roast at my neighbor's house for dinner. It's going to be a delicious piggy day. I even have an excuse for eating a lot: eating more a few days a week keeps your metabolism high when you're on a diet.
I deserve the indulgence. Last night, my husband was eating Chunky Monkey ice cream right next to me and I refused his offer to let me taste it. It smelled really good, but I stuck to my diet cherry coke. Tonight I will be practicing the will of steel again. We're going to see the new Pirates movie at the theater with the best popcorn around here, and I'm not having any. I can't even sneak in some nuts to snack on, because I'm staying away from them until I have proof whether they were causing my headaches or not. So far, it looks like they were, but I'm giving it a month.
On a daily basis I am wowed at my new ability to make decisions and stick to them. It might be easy for some people, but I usually get sucked in by TV or beer or tortilla chips or the couch or my kitties. I have a remarkable ability to do nothing. In the past two months, I've been so productive and focused that I feel...I don't know...it's like I'm growing up or finding myself.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
She's a Maniac...
...And She's Dancing Like She's Never Danced Before.
Last night I played another hour of DDR. I was tempted to lay on the couch all night (and did for a significant portion of it), but I got up and did my workout anyway. My husband was playing on his Nintendo DS while I boogied in front of the TV and when the screen declared I had achieved my workout goal, he said, "I can't believe you actually set that for an hour and did it." He wasn't being rude, it's just that usually once I'm on the couch, that's where he sees me for the rest of the night. This whole idea of making commitments to myself and not breaking them is very new, but I like it.
After a nice night of DDR, broccoli, TV, and kitties, I got to wake up at 6:30 am to get ready to go to my real workout. I got there early and decided to pass the time by testing out the scale that reduced me to tears last Friday. I'm trying to avoid all of the extra scale hopping, but I was pretty confident that the strict diet and extra exercise had at least gotten rid of the evil .8. Boo yah! I've lost 3 lbs! (I'm not bolding that just in case I jinx Friday.) I was so excited that I ran into the gym and interrupted the early class to tell my trainer. I was so excited that I lifted heavier weights during our workout. I was so excited that I almost got stuck in the mirror after I changed because I was so busy gazing at the hotness that is I minus three. (I know I shouldn't get so caught up in a number, but I don't know how I ever got to be over 200 lbs and I am very close to being back under it.)
Our workout today was pretty standard: jumping jacks, frogs, abs, and various weight stations. We did squats on the BOSU again, which we haven't done since way back in our first workout. I am a squatting machine now, but the BOSU still made me do them extremely slowly. Trainer Jeff remembered my comment about the wall squats from Monday, so we got to do those today, too. I still can't get over how intense wall squats with a medicine ball between your knees are. I could even feel my abs getting involved and shaking today. I love this exercise, but I think I'll wait a little while before requesting it again so no one throws a dumbbell at me.
In less than an hour, it will be time for me to go home and play DDR for another hour. I'm having salad with baked chicken for dinner. You won't hear any complaints from me, because I saw hotness in the mirror this morning. I can't believe it's been almost a month since I started this whole shebang. If the program doesn't get extended and ends in two months as was planned, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I never thought I would utter these words, but I have an exercise routine.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Nerd Alert
Good news: I made it through day one of my ramped up diet and exercise program with an A++. The idea of adding five hours of cardio this week had me nervous, because I generally find cardio boring. I'm also not keen on the idea of having to talk to my neighbors when I'm sweating and have just spent all day at the office, so most outdoor activities are out. That explains why my husband and I spend so much time inside playing video games. Luckily, we just so happen to own several different versions of an addictive game called Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) that provides hours of sweaty fun without leaving the living room. I played for an hour last night and plan to do so each day for the rest of the week.
One of the nice features about DDR is that it has a workout mode where you can track your weight, time, and calories burned. My hour of dancing last night burned off 535 calories. It shows your calories per session and also over time, so I'll get to see a nice big figure at the end of the week. I love dancing and suppose I could put on some music and boogie around the house, but the game aspect of DDR makes it much easier to do for longer periods of time. When I first started playing the game a few years ago, I'd play for 3-4 hours without even noticing. Right now an hour will suffice, but it's great to have an activity where I'm not constantly checking the clock.
If you've never played before, you should try it. Just try to do it at someone's house, because everyone looks ridiculous when they first start playing. The game is similar to those dance charts with footprints on them, but there are arrows instead of footprints and they scroll toward the top of the screen as you are supposed to step on the corresponding arrow on the dance pad. The challenge comes in the harder levels when you are doing quick half steps or jumping on two arrows in various combinations. Trying to follow along without tying your feet into a pretzel is the challenge that keeps you playing ...and sweating.
This morning I felt so good about having exercised last night that I felt like looking nice for work. That doesn't mean I put on makeup or blow dried my hair, but I did wear my hair down and spend some time looking in the mirror before I walked out the door. Mirror, mirror, on the wall was feeling kind today. I noticed that my stomach is flattening out. All of the ab exercises we've been doing in class are pulling everything up and in - even the pooch is looking flatter. In addition, my eyes may be fooling me, but I think my hips are getting narrower. The biggest change of all is that my boobs are much higher. We're talking inches. They must have finally heard that I'm still in my twenties. I attribute the change to all the back exercises we've been doing, because my posture has greatly improved.
So there you are. Everything you ever wanted to know about DDR and my boobs.
Monday, May 21, 2007
I'm back!
Wow. Friday was not a good day for me. To anyone who was concerned about me over the weekend, I climbed out of the hole. I'm back to my usual self today and I was raring to go for the workout this morning. It was a good one. I even enjoyed the jumping jacks, because I was so ready to dive back into this competition. I did a lot of thinking Friday and over the weekend and here's what I decided: I would eat whatever I wanted this weekend to get my poutiness out of my system and to prepare to crack the whip on my diet. Starting Monday (today), it's back to South Beach Phase I, because the only time I ever lost significant weight was when I followed that diet. If energy during workouts becomes an issue, I'll add some fruit. Along with the diet changes, I'm adding 5 extra hours of cardio this week. These are the changes I need to make this week to ensure I get the motivation of seeing results on Friday.
I apologized to my trainer today for ignoring him after I got my results. He said it was fine and that he went in and checked them after I left. The other trainers told him I wasn't too happy. He was surprised by my results last week as well. He told me that he's been noticing that I'm really slimming down and toning up, which was awesome to hear since he always sees me at my grubbiest. He said that when he saw me in my regular clothes on Friday that I looked even smaller so he was expecting a big loss. In so many words, he said that I've been busting my butt at the workouts and that I should stick with it and not be discouraged. It was a lot more effective when he said that today than when the other trainers said it on Friday, since he's actually seeing my progress. When someone who works out for a living and sees you turning red and dripping with sweat says you're getting slimmer, it blows away the biggest of gold stars that any teacher could give you. [I can't wait to get home and tell my husband, who I'm sure will respond with, "I told you so."]
Now for the actual workout part of today's workout. We started with a similar breakdown to Friday: weights, abs, cardio. At the weight station, we did bicep curls for the first time in this whole competition. We also did leg work, revisiting the band-around-the-ankles move (hereby dubbed The Band Shuffle) and wall squats. Anyone who has ever done a wall squat will tell you that they are hard, especially when your trainers make you hold them for minutes on end. Today, our trainer made them harder. While in the squat, we had to hold an eight pound medicine ball between our knees. Every muscle in my thighs was burning. It started with the inner thighs, then spread until even my outer hips were burning. I asked Jeff if we could do these again on Wednesday since anything so painful must be very effective. I only got a few dirty looks from the other girls.
Another interesting move we did was a variation on the bridge pose. We did it with our heels on the center of the BOSU trainer, slowly lifting each heel to take tiny steps up and down while holding our hips as high as we could. I could feel my thighs working to maintain stability. A few days ago, we did a different variation where you get into the bridge pose and then hold it while straightening one leg after the other, keeping your knees together. Frankly, the pose is challenging enough for me in its original form, but I guess the variations keep it interesting.
At the ab station, we did bicycles and dying bugs and then moved to leg extensions. I've never been good at them. You lie on your back with your hands under your tail bone and your knees to your chest. Slowly, extend your legs until they are straight and about six inches from the ground. I remember the first time I attempted these in middle school-I could not even do one. All of my weight is centered around my hips and thighs and my abs couldn't hold them. Well, today, I was able to do them! My legs were closer to a foot off the ground, but my abs still got a good workout. Speaking of progress, I did so much better at the incline push-ups today that Jeff noticed and commented.
Summary: Workouts work and I'm back in the game and ready to work even harder.
[It may pay off even more than I thought, because there are rumors that the program will be extended if most people stick with it. I can't say no to free training!]
Friday, May 18, 2007
Good News and More Good News? Or Not.
I wasn't late for my workout this morning! I left my house on time, which meant I was 25 minutes early (when I leave 10 minutes later, I end up being 15 minutes late due to the morning traffic). Luckily, everyone in my group was early today, so we were able to chat while the previous class finished up. It was cold outside this morning, so we didn't do our warm up outside. In fact, we didn't do it inside either. Normally, I'd raise an objection (especially since my first station was weight lifting), but the lack of a warm up meant one spectacular thing: NO JUMPING JACKS TODAY!
At first I thought it was my birthday, but then I remembered that isn't until July. Whatever the reason, I am so happy that we didn't have to do any fling-flanging jumping jacks today that I'm glowing. We did three stations today: weights, cardio, and abs. For weights, we did various presses that focused on chest, triceps, and shoulders. For cardio, we used the treadmill and elliptical machine. Our trainer set the treadmill to a 15% incline and let us choose the speed. I was walking slowly, but the incline definitely got my heart working. I felt really awkward on the elliptical, because my arms are a little short for this particular machine. For our ab station, we did several types of crunches, bicycles, and my favorite - dead bugs.
--- ... ---
The first part of this post was written this morning, before weigh in. Watch how my tone darkens suddenly. Be afraid. Be very afraid. First, I should mention that my antidepressants ran out a few days ago, so I'm really emotional today. Which explains why I almost started crying in front of three trainers this afternoon. I felt like I was eight years old again-sad little fat girl having an emotional breakdown. Here's what happened: I gained .8 lbs this week. I'm up to 203.8 lbs. I gained! [If I wasn't trying to keep this blog curse free, there would be a lot more sentences here.] Granted, I didn't gain 2 pounds like the scale said on Wednesday, but I expected to at least lose point something this week. I've been eating well, doing my workouts, and I did a grueling 3 hour hike on Saturday. That alone should have brought my weight down a bit. To top things off, the scale put my body fat at 43.8% whereas last week it said 43.1%. Granted, the trainers all quickly said that its measurement is so inaccurate that I should disregard it. I don't think I managed to disregard it.
There were three trainers in the room while I weighed in. One checking the numbers, one entering them in the computer, and one who had reviewed my food diary with me who just wanted to see how I did. When we looked at my food, he had nothing negative to say other than to up my protein at breakfast and he chastised me for my two nights of indulgence in chocolate soy ice cream (too much sugar). Other than that, he said I was eating really, really well. He did suggest I cut out peanut butter because it might be triggering my headaches, but my meal timing and amounts are right on. That's why he was so excited to see my weigh in numbers.
Holy poop. I was so disappointed. I can't even logic myself into feeling good about this week. Here's what the trainers tried: "Point eight pounds is nothing. You probably have that much difference in your clothes." "You're gaining muscle. You've probably lost 5 or six pounds of fat." (That's when I snarkily commented on the body fat percentage.) "Keep working at it. It will add up." And my personal favorite as far as things to say which are not helpful at all: "Don't let it get you frustrated." Right... So through all of this, my eyes were welling up with tears. However, I refuse to cry in front of people, so I held it in and my face turned bright red and I started sweating instead. No one was fooled. I had to walk outside to cool off, ignoring my trainer who was in the adjacent gym asking me to tell him how I did.
I just can't believe that I'm not losing more weight. Usually you see a nice big loss in the first week or two of a weight loss attempt and then things slow down. If it slows down from here, I'm just going to get fatter. Or not get fatter, but keep all my current fat and just keep building muscle until I am the size of a car. I already only have a handful of shirts and two pairs of pants that fit me. No one sells car sized clothes. (I only wear a size 14, but, excuse me, I'm ranting.) They always say, "You didn't put on all that weight overnight, you're not going to lose it overnight." Well, does the fact that I gained 40 lbs. practically overnight (or over a couple of months) mean that I get to lose it that quickly? I really wish it did. When I was on the South Beach Diet, I lost 22 lbs. in 9 weeks (Phase I). I'm so tempted to go back on that diet, but I know I wouldn't have enough energy to do my workouts without any carbs.
The trainers had some suggestions as far as what I could do to guarantee I lose weight next week. There's nothing tweakable in my diet, so that leaves exercise. They want me to do cardio for an hour, three times a week, on top of the circuit training sessions with the trainer. I've only fit in one extra cardio session for each of the last 2 weeks. Then they all got excited and said if I really want to see results, I should start doing an hour of cardio seven days a week on top of the sessions with the trainer. Maybe that would be a little more reasonable of a proposition for me if I worked in a gym all day, like they do. They are all nice people, and I appreciate that they are trying to help and that they didn't get uncomfortable when I looked like I was going to cry, I'm just really frustrated.
I've been overweight my entire life. I remember my aunt squeezing my "chubby thighs" when I was still in diapers. I started getting made fun of for being chubby when I entered preschool at age two and it just got worse year after year. Then, once I was too old for name calling, guys just wouldn't date me. Which led to years of irresponsible behavior and desperation. I'm just so freaking tired of this. I want to have a normal body (not huge American normal, normal normal).
By the way, the tears I managed to reign in earlier are in full force now. God, I can't wait to get back on my meds.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Good Morning, Sunshine!
Honestly, I barely remember this morning's workout. I rolled out of bed, into my workout clothes, and sped downtown. One of the girls in my group has taken to greeting me with "Good morning, Sunshine!" whenever I arrive late. It makes me laugh, because that's what my mom would always say to me, given my particularly unsunshiny personality in the morning. I'm really lucky to be working out with such a great group of girls. Everyone has a pretty positive attitude and is really good about encouraging each other. I didn't know any of them before this and it's turned into a nice get together every Monday-Wednesday-Friday.
At first, I was worried, because they are all smaller than I am. As in, I outweigh each of the girls by 30 - 100 pounds. The girl who only weighs 30 pounds less than me is almost 6 feet tall, compared to my 5 feet 5 inches. I thought that I was going to be constantly lagging behind and feel embarrassed to workout in front of them. I didn't expect them to be so dang nice and to be struggling right along with me. A week ago Monday, I worked out with a different group and let me say that I would never ever trade my group. We work. In fact, we workout.
While I can't remember enough of this morning's workout to describe it in detail, I can say that I sweat more than any other day. Part of that was the workout and part of that was the fact that it was insanely hot in the gym today. Baltimore summer is on its way! I stayed after class to take a shower, which was much nicer than my usual quick splash at the sink. Afterwards, before I put my shoes back on, I gingerly stepped on the trainer's scale. Then I quickly jumped back off. The digital monster thinks I've gained two pounds. The digital monster must be mistaken. This is why they tell you to only weigh yourself once a week. I'm going to be freaking out about this until the official weigh in on Friday. Darn it.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
CHOCOLATE
Last night, I had a craving for something sweet that could not be tamed by my usual diet cherry coke. I needed chocolate. Luckily, there was nearly a full carton of chocolate soy ice cream in the freezer. I bought it a while ago, but hadn't eaten much because the flavor wasn't quite right. However, since I've gone several weeks with barely any dairy or sugar, it tasted delicious last night. It tasted like the richest, chocolatiest ice cream I've ever had. Not bad for 130 calories and 3 grams of fat per half cup serving. I went ahead and called it a meal and had a whole cup. To make sure my meal was balanced, I added a tablespoon of peanut butter-all natural, of course. What a yummy dinner! A few hours later, I had a salad with chick peas as my dessert.
Other than last night's treat, I'm getting into a routine (or rut) with my weekday eating. I have a peanut butter sandwich with cinnamon or apple butter for breakfast in the car on the way to work. I have an apple and ten cashews for my morning and afternoon snacks. I have salad or leftovers for lunch. I have salad or soup for dinner. There's not really a problem, but a think a little more variety at dinner time would help. As it is, I wait as long as I can to eat it because I'm just not interested. Also, I miss cooking. Chopping vegetables is not as interesting as juggling a bunch of pots around the stove and seeing what I can whip up. On the other hand, I don't have much time for meal preparation, so I'm not sure what the solution is. I'm going to be even busier once school starts, so I guess now is the time to experiment.
The diet is definitely working. This morning I noticed that I am losing fat. How could I tell? My boobs are shrinking. While I'm not exactly overjoyed about this, it's not the worst thing that could happen. All of my bras were too small anyway. Maybe now I won't have so much of an issue with the dreaded quad-boob.
Interestingly, the same morning I notice the shrinkage, I get a ton of (unwanted) male attention on the walk to work. First, a shuttle bus driver pulls over and leans out of his window to say hello. Then I had to walk through a group of construction workers who were standing on the sidewalk and all wanted to say good morning and then talk about my body as I walked away. I guess they didn't see I had ears since they were so busy looking at my butt. I hate being looked at like that. It's not a compliment. Guys start eyeing you up from a block away and stare with their eyeballs gogging out like idiots. It's so uncomfortable. I try to avoid eye contact so they won't talk to me, but I shouldn't have to walk around with my head down because some men don't understand that it's not polite to stare.
It's going to be interesting to see how I deal with this as I get smaller. Of course, if I lose all the weight and start walking around buck naked all the time, people will probably stare more. At least then it would be understandable.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Oops, I Did It Again
I overslept this morning. Monday morning is apparently not my friend. Luckily I was only 15 minutes late for my workout, so I didn't have to reschedule like last Monday. I missed the warm up, but we did jumping jacks again at the end of class. Thank goodness. What would a session with Trainer Jeff be without jumping jacks? Heaven forbid. We also did a set of frogs at the end of class. Then Jeff decided they needed to be harder (?!), so he added a variation. First you squat down low and touch the floor like usual. With your hands flat on the floor, you jump your feet back to a plank pose. Then you jump your feet back to a squat. Then you jump up straight in the air with your hands over your head. Rinse, repeat. I have a feeling we'll be doing these again in the near future.
Today's workout had a lot of nice twists. Here are the highlights: We did walking lunges again, although by ourselves, not in a parade. We also did wall squats that we held for over a minute. Those were followed by the plank pose, which made my abs start shaking because my elbows were so sweaty that my arms were sliding forward. Someone had requested our abs get busted today and Jeff did not fail to deliver. We did a whole series of floor work. My new favorite ab exercise (other than the standing and punching one) is called the dying bug. It works the entire length of your abs without stressing your back or neck.
The Dying Bug: Lie on your back with your arms straight above your head and your knees pulled to your chest. Slowly, with control, straighten your right leg as you bring your right arm down to point toward your toes. Your leg should be straight and low, but not touching the floor. Next, repeat with your left side as you bring your right side back to the starting position. Your back and head should remain on the floor. I like this exercise because it works similarly to the bicycle, but it does not hurt my back or neck like that exercise does.
I'm noticing that I'm much, much stronger already. I went camping this past weekend with my husband and some friends. We went on a three hour hike that involved going up and down some ridiculously steep hills. While I will admit to turning shades of red and purple, dripping with sweat, and gasping for air, my legs were perfectly up to the challenge. I didn't have any issues with soreness during or after the hike. Later, when we were gathering firewood, I was able to pick up huge logs without a problem. I also built a kick ass fire all by myself, but that's irrelevant. It feels great to be strong again. I stopped lifting weights years ago when my carpal tunnel syndrome started, but these new workouts haven't been a problem yet. I'm so happy I could jump up and down, but I had enough of that this morning.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Woe is I
Warning-this post is going to be all over the place and might not make any sense. I have a migraine, so my brain feels like it's being shaken around in a mason jar. I have a feeling it was kicked off by a combination of not eating enough before this morning's workout, dehydration, and walking out of the dim basement into the bright sunlight. Those first two factors are all my fault. I didn't want to eat or drink much this morning because it is weigh in day. Lot of good it did me. I'm only down 1.4 lbs. this week and now I'm going to spend the rest of the day with a headache and various disturbing neurological symptoms. And I'm supposed to go see one of my favorite bands in concert tonight. Poop.
I know I shouldn't be complaining about the amount of weight I lost, especially when I know I've been building a lot of muscle, I'm just really surprised. According to my home scale, it looked like I had lost another 3-5 lbs. Granted, my home scale is crappy and varies by 2 pounds depending on where you put your feet, but I was certainly expecting to have lost at least two pounds. Yesterday I entered a few more days in Spark, and I've been averaging around 1,600 calories/day. It would take 2,500 calories/day to maintain my body weight, so the diet alone should be taking off two pounds a week. All of this exercise should put me over that, especially since I got in a few extra walks this week.
Ooh, fun, now it feels like someone is sticking an icepick in the top of my head, just to the left of my part.
OK, complaining isn't going to make me lose more weight, so I will try to be rational. I've stated before that I always have difficulty losing weight because I build muscle very quickly, but burn fat very slowly. That would be an excellent explanation for what happened this week-my weight loss was offset by an increase in muscle. After all, my hamstrings and quads have gotten much bigger and I can see my triceps in the mirror without even flexing (why have I never been She-Hulk for Halloween?).
The other issue that I'm reluctant to face is that I haven't been eating enough this week. It's hard for a fat girl to grasp the concept that she needs to eat more to lose weight, and I've been letting things slide. There were three days this week where I skipped a meal. Bad, bad, bad! That is just going to put my metabolism back in slothful fat storing mode. Add to that the fact that I've been slowly making my meals smaller and smaller, and this is a serious problem. My breakfasts are half the size that they were last week, I've cut carbs out of more meals than I should, and I've been pushing back dinner because I don't want to eat. Hmm, I think I may have just solved the fatigue mystery I wrote about a few days ago. I have to start eating more and stick to my meal schedule if I'm going to continue losing weight. That's just the way it is.
To touch upon today's workout, there were good things and bad things. The bad was that I had a reluctant mood today and I didn't sweat as much as usual. The good is that I did a push up (yes, just one, but a full "guy" push up) and I hung in there through all the ab exercises with decent form. We didn't do a lot of leg work because everyone was still sore from Wednesday. That's probably a good thing, because I'm going camping this weekend and will be doing a lot of hiking. I will also be eating s'mores and drinking beer by a campfire, but, hey, it will be my day off.
And since I like sticking this all the way at the bottom of my posts: official weight 203.0 lbs. The scale also said my body fat was 43%, but the trainer said it was probably closer to 37% since the scale measurement isn't exact. Either way, not pretty, but that's why I'm doing all of this. I ran into a coworker yesterday who said he was doing this to train for a triathlon. I said I was training for life. Then he said something about bikini season coming up. Right, bikini season. By the end of this contest in July, I'll still probably be around 180 lbs., not exactly bikini ready. But with all the skills I'm picking up, maybe next year.
Warning: once I look good in a bikini, I may never wear pants again.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Money-It's a Drag
Blah. Money. Ptooey. I transferred $2,000 out of our savings account to pay for my and my husband's summer classes. I thought it would be more than enough when combined with my checking account balance-wrong! I suppose it would have been if the mechanic hadn't called yesterday to say my car was finally ready after over a month in the shop. Once I paid the $500 insurance deductible, I was short on money for the classes. I only had enough to pay for my husband's and two of mine. I still need to come up with the money for my third class (which we're taking together) before next Thursday. It should be doable if I don't spend anything before then, but being this close to broke stresses me out. Enough so that I bought a scratch-off ticket from the sketchy liquor store down the street. I only won a dollar.
The good news is that I get to put my student loan into deferred payment status once the semester starts. The other good news is that I'm finally prioritizing my life over money. I screwed up my college career from the beginning by letting my initial enrollment decision be based on money-this must be part of my proving to the universe that I've learned my lesson. It should also help me stick with the classes to completion. I'll be much more averse to throwing my money down the toilet than I was with scholarship money from a school I hated. Maybe it's time to stop being like *this* and be more like the real little engine that could. My problem has never been that I don't try, I just always give up.
I can stick with it, I can stick with it, I can stick with it.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
You Are Getting Sleepy....
I am so tired. I'm not sure what the problem is, but I've been exhausted since last Friday. I'm going to bed early and waking up late and I'm still so tired. I don't know if it's just from working out, or if my calories or carbs are too low, or if it's medication related, or none of the above. In spite of this, I went for a walk with my husband last night and I was on time for my workout with the trainer this morning. I am not giving up. I may, however, develop a caffeine habit. It is supposed to heighten your athletic performance, so it wouldn't be that bad.
The walk last night was great. I'm not one to stroll around the neighborhood aimlessly, so we walked to the grocery store. It's only 15 minutes away-who knew? This discovery is going to help me fit in more cardio, because I am constantly running out of eggs. My husband and I agreed not to drive to the store anymore unless we are shopping for more than we can carry home.
This morning's workout was difficult as usual, but I enjoyed it. We didn't do jumping jacks first thing (they were third or fourth), so my body had a little bit of time to wake up before flailing through the air. I appreciated that. We also did a few new things today that were really fun. Toward the end of class, we lined up and did walking lunges all around the halls of the basement. We looked like a silly, sweaty parade. I loved it. The other fun move we did was a standing ab exercise. We stood with our knees slightly bent and punched the air in front of us as fast as we could. We did a few different variations on this, but I liked punching the best.
The other thing that made me smile is that I noticed I looked better in my workout clothes today. It's great to be seeing progress already. Yesterday, I was able to wear a shirt that I couldn't even button three weeks ago. I'm eager for the rest of the weight to pour off, but these little signs keep me assured the program's working. I'm getting stronger, too. I noticed certain exercises, like the lat pull downs, were much easier today, and when I felt the back of my leg during a stretch, it wasn't fat, just a big firm hamstring.
Honestly, the thousand dollar prize means nothing to me in comparison to a strong, toned body. Bring on the hotness.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Money-Boo! Hiss!
The summer tuition payments for my husband and I are due this week. Unfortunately we can't get any financial aid or loans for the summer term so this is all coming out of our pockets. The problem is that there is no money in our pockets, so the money is actually coming out of our savings. That money was earmarked for replacement windows for our house, but we've survived a year without them, we can wait a little longer. I'm still waiting for my wealthy benefactor to appear, a la Great Expectations. Winning a thousand dollars in the weight loss competition would help right about now.
Monday, May 7, 2007
It's Monday already?
This morning, in spite of an obnoxiously loud alarm clock and a cat licking my face, I did not wake up in time for my morning workout. Old Me would have accepted this and gone through the day feeling down on myself for sleeping late and missing something so important. New Me decided to be resourceful and stay on track. On the way to work, I stopped into the gym to ask the trainer if he had any classes today that were under capacity. I may have missed my 8am workout, but I made it up at 11am. Take that, comfy warm bed! (Admittedly, a huge part of my motivation to make up the workout was that I didn't want to have to admit to my husband that I skipped a workout on the second week. Ah, accountability.)
It turns out you can sweat just as much at 11am as you can at 8am. Guess what we did today? Did you guess jumping jacks? Good job! We also jumped rope, which made me feel like a boxer. It was a little tricky to do in a basement gym though. The rest of the workout consisted of weight & ab circuit training. My abs are so much weaker than when I was doing yoga regularly. On a brighter note, my legs are already getting much stronger. If only the fat would melt off as quickly as the muscle builds up. Maybe by the end of this competition I'll be ready to run again. That should speed up the fat melting.
This weekend went fairly well food-wise. Friday was supposed to be my day off from the diet because I was heading to a party. However, all the food at the party was healthy and I didn't even drink that much because I had a headache. That's how Saturday became my day off. I ate movie theater popcorn with butter on it. And two slices of pizza. And a few brownies. Honestly though, I consumed less than I would have on a typical Saturday before this all started. Sunday I was back on plan and carried food with me so I could eat right and on schedule. My friend surprised me by bringing over steamed crabs for dinner, but that still fit in my diet because of all the protein.
So far, so good.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Workout #3 - Did You Say Jumping Jacks?
As in workouts #1 & #2, our trainer kicked our butts again this morning. The man, he loves the jumping jacks. One of the girls in my group said, "Can you believe we used to think these were fun when we were kids?" I, for one, never thought they were fun, but I used to get in trouble for reading too much when I was a kid. I've never been the active sort except for a few months scattered here and there at the gym as an adult. I'm hoping the fact that this competition lasts 12 weeks will help me cement these new workout habits.
The good news is that I was not as sore heading into this morning's workout as I was on Wednesday. The bad news is that I was t-i-r-e-d. During all of the jumping up & down we did to warm up, I felt like my feet were full of rocks. I think I'm just not a cardio girl, because once we moved inside for the strength circuit I did a lot better. Push ups and lower ab moves are still not really working for me, but I keep trying so I'll get there someday. Hopefully it will be someday soon, because I would feel like such the rock star pounding out dozens of push ups.
Today is technically my planned day off, since I'm heading to a party tonight. So far I've eaten on target though. We went out to lunch for a coworker's farewell and I had a burger. The bun was more carbs than I'd normally eat and I put a little mayo on the burger, but nothing too bad. The reins really let go tonight because I am going to drink as much as I want. So there.
The big news today is that we had our weekly check in. They took our weight, measurements, and body fat percentage. Apparently they lied at the first meeting because they ended up using the dreaded calipers for the body fat measurements instead of the electronic gizmo you just hold. They pinched my arm, my waist, and the front of my thigh. I won't know the percentage until Monday after they do the calculations though. As for the measurements, I can't tell you much there either because they did them in centimeters. That leaves us with the magic number: weight. What did the scale say today? 204.4 lbs. I've lost 3 pounds since Monday! 1.4% of my body weight. And that's in spite of being weighed first thing Monday morning and midday today. So hoowah! (A la Al Pacino.)
How's that for ending on a good note? I don't have internet at home, so have a lovely weekend and I'll be back again on Monday posting about how my trainer kicked my butt again.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Food, Food, & More Food
As I mentioned before, eating right is a huge part of this program. We have to eat small balanced meals every few hours. Everyone is going around work saying "Ugh, I have to eat again!." I'm a little bit more comfortable with this way of eating, because it is similar to the South Beach diet I did a few years ago. I'm used to carrying snacks with me and watching the clock so I eat on time. It worked really well for me before, so hopefully I'll get awesome results with all this exercise piled on top of the diet. Here's a sample day of what I'm eating so far:
Meal 1 (7am): egg sandwich (2 slices of Canadian bacon & 3 egg whites on 2 slices of wheat bread w/ hot sauce)
Meal 2 (9:45am): apple, 10 cashews
Meal 3 (1pm): small mixed salad w/ 1 tbsp. light Italian dressing, 3/4 c. homemade FF black bean soup w/ 1 oz. cheddar
Meal 4 (3:15pm): apple, 10 cashews
Meal 5 (6:30pm): spinach salad (baby spinach, 5 baby portobella mushrooms, 1 c. cottage cheese, crushed cherry peppers, salsa, hot sauce)
Meal 6-optional-I've been opting out of a 6th meal most nights and having some diet cherry coke as a sweet fix instead.
For now I've just been jotting down my meals in the journal they gave us, but I might plug some of this into SparkPeople.com to see what the actual calories look like if I have time.
Updates:
*I almost forgot to mention that I've had 10-11 glasses of water to drink each day since this started.
**I plugged it into Spark. This day I came in just under 1,200 calories with 84 grams of protein. I'm not aiming for a particular calorie range, just balanced meals, so that total is interesting. I'm particularly surprised that my dinner was under 300 calories. It was huge and I was stuffed afterwards.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Workout #2 - Ouchie!
This morning started off on a positive note, if only for one reason: I remembered to wear a sports bra! Golf clap! It was a good thing, because our trainer really likes jumping jacks. Not that I've seen him do one, but he likes making us do them. I've had a huge knot in my left calf since Monday's workout, so the jumping was not that fun for me. Hopefully I can trick my husband into massaging my leg tonight, because I'm tired of hobbling.
The jumping jacks were the easy part though. We did more of those blessed squat jumps, which I learned are called frogs. We also did a mishmash of: sprints, mountain climbers, push ups, chest presses, lat pull downs, step ups, balance lunges, squat rows, wood chops, and on, and on. Our trainer likes to kick our butts, but that's a good thing. As long as I don't have a heart attack, it's a good thing. I like the circuit training format we've been following because it tires out all of our muscles and keeps our hearts going at the same time. I wasn't the only one today gazing longingly at their water bottle, but unable to catch their breath to drink it.
Two exercises really stood out today. The hardest was the ab segment. Holy cow, we got our abs rocked today. Back to back segments of bicycles & crossovers, rinse, repeat. I felt the burn. Literally. Momma. The other exercise that stood out was sidestepping down the hall with an elastic band around our ankles. It perfectly isolated the muscles on the outer hips and the glutes. So much so that I think I'm going to buy my own band to do these at home.
Friday is our next workout. I'm going to be sore, but I'm looking forward to it. I asked our trainer if we could do more chest exercises since the push ups are still making me laugh. (They are laughing at me, why shouldn't I laugh at them?) We also get our measurements and body fat taken on Friday. OH! And apparently the trainers are trying to stage a coup. The challenge was originally set up as highest percent body weight lost, but they are going to try and talk the corporate heads into changing it to body fat or inches lost. Which makes me happy since I sprout muscle like the Incredible Hulk and the scale just doesn't understand.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
That School Thing
Ladies & gentlemen, hold on to your hats! I am going back to college. This wouldn't seem shocking to anyone who doesn't know me, but if you do you're probably gasping for air right about now. Sorry for the heart attack. A brief summary for those of you who are still breathing: I was in the top of my high school class, had near perfect SATs, a full scholarship to college, and still managed to drop out of college 5 times from 3 different schools within a few years.
I headed off to college in the fall of 1998 with a full scholarship and in the top of my high school class despite my growing slackerness. I found just what I was looking for, which was freedom (being 360 miles from my family provided that). It's too bad that I wasn't looking for an education, because I very quickly watched all of my past academic success go down the toilet, washed down by beer and cable and coffee and late night talks (and boys). Oh and don't forget the severe depression. That spring, I didn't even notice that I had pneumonia because I was so used to spending half the day in bed.
All of my incomplete and failed classes from that first year set off the chain of events that left me where I am now: 26 years old with only 2 years of college under my belt while the rest of my classmates are planning their five year reunions. I'm done with being ashamed about that though. It hasn't gotten me anywhere, which is why I'm sucking it up and finishing school. One of my big problems has always been finding motivation when there wasn't a clear end result. If I wasn't sure what career path I wanted to follow when I graduated, I wouldn't finish my homework. The end result is now clear though. I am going back to school to finish my degree so that I can close the door on the last 10 years and move on with the rest of my life.
So here we go. I'm registered for 3 classes this summer at the community college to take care of some gen. ed. requirements and get some current, high grades on my record. I'll be applying to transfer to Towson University in the Spring and will continue to take classes at the community college in the mean time. This Summer I'm taking Ceramics, Accounting I (small business accounting), and US History II (Civil War to current). Classes start June 5th. More updates will follow then. Wish me luck persistence.
Weight Loss Progress
